Giraween and Spicer's Peak

G’day y’all,

This weekeng had a holiday on the Monday, and that means adventure! My latest love interest Oksana was departing early Saturday morning from Gold Coast, so after work we loaded up Lessie my Subaru and shuttled south through somewhat hellish traffic as everybody flees the city in these situations. It took two hours to arrive, twice the normal travel, and we rolled through the airport in an attempt to drop her bags off early. Unsuccessful, we checked into the Coolie YHA a km away. We then drove a few km to Kirra/Coolangatta beach and went for a trot. This is one of my favourite beaches because of its beauty and vibe. We wandered to a greek restaurant and had an amazing dinner and wine, then we walked to Coolie point for romantic views of the surf beaches.

I should note that I rather like this girl. She’s a Russian doctor that makes babies. She literally sorts through millions of sperm in a microscope to pick the best looking ones, and then she injects the lucky guy into an egg. If all goes well that zygote becomes a bunch of cells that grows into a human eventually. This is an odd pairing for a guy who doesn’t like kids, eh? However we get along well and despite my adventure terrifying her frequently, she still sticks around. I took her rock climbing at my gym, got her hooked, got her climbing easy rock in the city at Kangaroo Point. Last weekend I taught her how to belay (and not drop) me at Mt Ngungun at the beginner wall, and she did great. Then I took her dinghy sailing and scared her to death almost flipping the Pacer over multiple times in fickle winds on the Brisbane river. Her screams of terror earned some chuckles amongst the other seasoned dinghy sailors within earshot. Still, she hasn’t run away yet.  There’s potential.

We had to sleep early at the YHA, which we didn’t do but that was the intention anyway. We woke at 0445 to get her to the airport by 0455. I went back to the YHA to sleep an hour and then I set off for the 4 hour drive to Giraween NP. This area of the state is called the granite belt because of old volcanism created large meandering hills of granite domes which have become exposed over the millennia. I arrived by 1130 and made friends who were part of the Brispane Rockclimbing Club (BRC). Eager to climb on granite, we packed our climb bags and set out to the crag. We had to walk an hour (3km) up into an area called Turtle Rock which is a very large granite blister sitting atop and separated from the underlying dome. The relief of the turtle was about 75m, so we clambered up to our first pitch.

I’ve never climbed granite, and neither had my leader. We were appalled to see no features to put a hand on. The rock, while beautiful and smooth surely can’t be climbable. We picked a line bolted with Australian “carrots” which are machine bolts glued into a hole drilled in the rock. You hang a SS hanger off them and clip a quickdraw in. This is part of the climbing culture here because doing such thing is a NP is strictly illegal, but it’s really hard to see a machine bolt sticking barely above black and white granite, so the law doesn’t seem to notice or mind. My leader walked up this sheer granite slap (slightly forward sloping rock) like a spider stuck on a wall.

Her partner was next, so I waited while he climbed, although he’s much less experienced and was less spider-like. I tied into my top-belay, which means if I fall I only fall the length of the slack and stretch in the rope. The start was atop a boulder with a gap to the turtle’s shell, and to my left was a 30m fall to rock. I’d like to think I’m getting my fear in check but this is testing me. I took a broad step onto the rock and I stuck. I got both feet on and it was like I was glued on. Only by the feet, mind you, but I’m glued to this seemingly smooth rock.

I start to leg up, searching for a divot or relief. There isn’t anything, it’s just all featureless smooth granite polished by the ages. I just trust that the rope protecting me won’t let me fall too far and take a step. It’s like glue! This is amazing. I climb a few meters and then see a ¼” ledge to use as a handhold. My instincts to hand the rock take over and I rely on my upper body. Suddenly, the glue that holds my feet to the rock falters and I have a leg sliding. It’s all good, because my knee has a lot of traction against the rock as well, and for a moment I’m hanging from my fingertips and knee. However blood has this terrible lubricating property and my knee slides as well and that’s too much for my tiny fingerhold and I fall!

Against my rope, silly. However I’d lost what I had gained. Spectators cheer me on and I regain my feet. This time I ignore my hands. The rock has its first blood sacrifice from me drawing a line in the direction that I must go, up! I rely on my feet and step upon step utilize the superior traction that this rock offers to ‘send the climb. I’m greeted at the top of the 30m slab to cheers and I strap my safety in and tidy my rope for the descent.

We’re on the precipice of the turtle’s back, and he has a turtle on his back that wants to push us off as we try and find the walkoff. This part of the climb is unprotected, no rope, so one must needs be careful. Just beyond us his shell bends downward and out of sight, towards certain oblivion. We found the walkoff by sighting a chalkbag streak where another climber slid down after a misstep. This very steep section had me leery, but I trusted in the magic rock glue that my shoes were made of. The downclimb is so much more scary than the upclimb!!! We managed it and trotted down the last 15m over very steep but comparatively less scary stuff.

Climbing is a process and it takes time, so this was two hours here. We only have time for one more climb before sunset so we pick a slightly harder and longer route. Our leader, an Irishwoman named Shenade, has problems with this one which makes me mighty apprehensive. This is also a 50m pitch up another flank of the turtle. After some flailing she manages to find invisible features to place her feet on and she climbs up and out. Her partner follows with much more difficulty. It’s now my turn, and this is what I came here for.

I think blood helps me learn faster, I had to keep wiping the blood off my shin so it didn’t stain my shoes, because this time I did it right. I did it all right, getting my toes on the tinies depression or smearing against the smallest single protruding quartz crystal. This type of climbing is such a different mind game, because I have to have an extensive trust of the grip on the tiniest of surfaces. My fear never left but I had it under control. Maybe. I ‘sent this climb and rejoined my belayer at the top. We still had the same descent which really didn’t feel much better even though I did it once before. On the ground amongst the boulders of the turtle’s feet we started our walk back to camp into the twilight.

I come from a world of the sea where old men drink beer and tell tales of the mighty storms they’ve weathered in their small vessels and lived to tell the tale. I’ve had my own storms and tales as well, but in this company we sit around the campfire in the chill and listen to the old men wax poetic on the nature of the rock on different locales. Some folk distaste for this granite slab is evident as being too easy. Some prefer to crack climb, some prefer face. Each has their own story of a high grade climb ‘sent or a failure to become a future project. One way or another this adds to my burgeoning todo list. I retired without any beer because I had aspirations for tomorrow, thinking I need to buy even more adventure kit for my new hobby.

I’m first up before the light with the Magpies sounding off. They are such strange birds, and as relatives to the raven I don’t care for them. I’m packed and fed and in Shenade’s car towards the next crag. Today we are climbing the lower Pyramids for a day of varied crack climbs. Climbing involves a lot of walking with a heavy backpack full of rope and expensive metal bits in the general direction of up. We scatter roos by our presence as we slog upward and upward. The walk turns into a rock scramble up Aussie scrubby hillside interspersed with giant nodules of granite. The scramble continues for 40 minutes until we are greeted by the giant slab of the lower pyramid. It’s relatively featureless except for a grand crack that the better climbers discuss their attack on. That’s above my level, so I follow the group of greenies to the right where there’s an epic 16 (pretty hard) called Charlotte’s Web.

We scramble and crawl up towards the next climb. At some point I interacted with a piece of spiky shaggy that cut my calf and let loose a torrent of blood that I only felt as wetness at the heel of my approach shoes. Once again I used loose detritus to clean the liquid so it doesn’t soak my shoes and rely on my immune system to fight infection. We approached this huge slab from below which has been expelled by the mountain like a moulted skin. However mountains have thick skins, in this case 20m thick, and we’re at the base of it.

The next part is so much fun, as we squeeze through a crack to be in a cave created under this broadly contoured dome section, and I’m thinking of how many tons of rock are above me as I do a protected rock climb and scramble underneath this world of solid earth above me. Emerging from this grandiouse cave, I see Charlotte’s web. The climb follows the crack between granite layers in a broad moon beyond line of sight. This is one of the easiest climbs here, but that doesn’t make it easy. One must ascend the slab with a hand or two under the crack in the rock in a traverse of the event that calved the rock shell that we had just climbed under. I watched as the leader ‘sent the climb placing pieces of trad (traditional) pro (protection) to protect the rest of us climbers.

There was a fair line and the climb took the leader 40 minutes, so I went a-wandering, as I do, while I waited my turn. I followed the pyramid around and delved into mammoth cracks in towering granite. I may be the the only person in the group who enjoys hiking as much as climbing, as must folks stayed and watched the climbing action. My explorations were fruitful, and I saw an expanse of curving granite domes and boulders off into valleys. I found a crack that I believe led to the precipice and I climbed to the level of my approach shoes. I also had in mind that if I fall and break, it would be nice to not have to rely on my voice to get help. I returned to the climb.

My return was timely, as it was almost my turn. Susie, who you may remember from my Japan adventure, was ahead of me. I don’t think she likes me any more, and the feeling may be mutual. All the same I trust her to not drop me on belay, because what sort of evil person would do that willingfully. She ‘sent her way out of sight, and 40 minutes later I was tied in and climbing.

This was a different game. The rock was very steep and my shoes wouldn’t hold like before. I had to have one or both hands underneath an overhanging crack a bit wider than a hand’s width, and by applying torsion in my body to apply more downward (sideways?) force I made my feet stick. This was good fun, and the fall below was 50m of smooth slab to the calved shell. I did well after slipping only once. The expertly placed pro gave me confidence and I climbed hard and fast until I could rest on a ¼” wide crack before the next push.

At this point I could see Susie, and I passed the last piece of pro. At this point it became an exercise of impeccable balance against featureless slab before I reached a bare spot. At this point my hands are useless, and there’s 10m to Susie who is my las bit of pro. I’m making my way precariously towards her, and she has to let me know “don’t slip” which is all I’m thinking of. This is exactly what a belayer shouldn’t say, and I think this was yet another stab at me from a jilted lover. Now slipping is on my mind, and I get handsy, looking for a lifeline. There isn’t one, and I palm a feature that offers no grip.

The transition of my weight from foot to hand detatches the magical glue that stuck me to this sheer face, and I slide onto my other knee which finds traction. I remember my previous ‘teaching moment’ and I get my other foot stuck before the blood has a chance to lubricate my way 7m down the face. I’m cool, so I span my way to safety and clip into the pro gear beneath me. Susie escapes the belay snd scrambles down, we don’t say a word. I belay the next in line without incident and then it’s time for me to climb down.

The downclimb is more exposed and precarious than the climb, at least that’s how it feels. One mistake and I’m tumbling 200m down a granite slab. Talk about a rush, I’m focused like a green flashy laser as I carefully choose my footing and avoid too much pressure on my otherwise useless hands. I reach the crux of the downclimb and another helpful girl tells me where to put my feet as I descend. It’s fairly terrifying to be descending with hands barely grasping rock while hunting for footing. That’s why I do this I guess.

A bit more footwork to avoid falling into a deep cave that would have been my fate had I slipped further and I’m at the top of the calved shell. There’s 7 yo kids climbing this section laughing like kids do. They’ll grow up with a different fearset than myself I reckon. I get back to the cave area and take a rest.

No I don’t, when do I ever just take a rest. There’s a cute blonde girl who I call Boston because I can’t remember her name but I make fun of her for a lack of a Bah’stan accent. I convince her to follow me to that cool overlook area. Then I convince her to follow me up the crack that leads to the top of the mountain, I think. She follows me up to the point where I felt unsafe, but with these magic shoes I’m much more confident.

She’s not so keen, and then I confide in her the real reason I dragged her this far is that I wanted to explore and if something bad happens she’s the one to get help (no cell coverage anywhere out here). I ask her to wait 15 minutes and go get help, set my watch, and climb the crack. This crack is fairly glorious, and I ascend in perfect safety. If I make a bad mistake I won’t be hurt, just wedged into a crack and unable to escape. I get to the precipice, but I’m at the bottom of a 5m deep crack. I squeeze inward to a tight spot. I dive down and crawl forward but my helmet stops me.  I take it off and push forward until I decide that was the wrong thing to do.

I inchworm in reverse and try to go in standing. I can see where it opens up but by pelvis is too big to get through the crack. I give up. I’ll have to lose some bone or ass to get through there. I am back to Boston by 13 minutes, and we walk on to the base of Charlotte’s web. Lunch time, and we all talk about the next crack to climb. Shenade is keen, so we lug our gear back through the cave to the base of the mountain, then we slog along.

This crack is a 15 (less hard but still pretty hard), and it goes up about 35m. I watch Shenade be a spider monkey placing pro as she goes, and I’m 4^th in line. While I’m waiting I walk and find another crack that I spelunk up into. Once again I see the massive world of cracked rock skins shed like an onion that has been squished. However each layer is 5-20m thick so the cracks are extensive. I got back to the climb and it was my turn. After watching Shenade’s partner struggle up I’m apprehensive. But I’ll give it a go.

The climb started out OK. I got about 5m up and it was a bit of stress pushing my feet onto the vertical cliff by pulling on the crack. 10m up and I’m trembling and sweating (I was shivering cold before I sterted.) I’m also cursing.  A lot. I told people I’m a sailor and now they hear it along with grunts and more curses. I’m cursing my legs, then my hands, then the rock. Then the rope annoys me, and there’s a tree nearby too that draws my ire. Nothing is spared. My belayer is invisible through the crach and is encouraging me, so I hand her a decent platter of cursewords as well. All good fun.

I get to a point where I’m humping an arête (an outward pointing piece of rock) with a chickenhead (an upward facing pillar of rock) shoved up my ass. My cursing takes on sexual innuendo for those on the ground watching me climb as I inchworm wriggle myself out of violation up the arête while cursing. Suddenly, I have foot contours, and handholds, and I climb up and out. I don’t know how all these knee scrapes happened, and again I use eucalyptus leaves to wipe the blood so it doesn’t fill my shoes. The next climber, which I belayed, noted where he saw my blood on the mountain. I told them all it’s my holy sacrifice to the rock gods.

Now I need to R+R after an easier descent. I’m still amazed at the verticality that I’m able to do without ropes as my confidence increases. After the last climber finished we went towards the third pitch of the day. By now the sun’s getting low at 4pm, and it’s getting cold so we need to finish. Shenade took lead but lost her confidence. This is a 17 and she couldn’t find the start. Another girl, who I call LA, took lead and fairly walked up the slope (45m!).  At this point a hiker came by and told us one of our group was injured and needed help.

I was next in line to climb, but chivalry demanded that I assist (and not climb this scary looking slab with more blood sacrifice). I left my 70m rope with other climbers as I trekked back to our main meeting point. I met Katherine (BRC Mommy) and we heard one of the girls had broken her ankle leading. She had fallen into the same cave I almost fell into when Susie belayed me. I picked up the afflicted girl’s pack (heavy) and hiked to another pack. Shenade’s partner (can’t remember his name) couldn’t carry this entire thing plus his, so I loaded gear into mine until I was at my limit. Now I’m the turtle carrying two packs 330m and 3km down the mountain. I’m better off than the guys carrying her out on the stretcher. I have henceforth been inducted into a special sub-club of the BRC, the Brisbane Rescue Climbers.

I got to the car park and dropped my 35kg load and was handed a beer. That was nice. I was beat after the day’s adventure, and my dinner was terrible. One of the rescuers brought pizza back from town so that salvaged my nutrition, and I couldn’t keep awake long.

Monday, and I had different plans. I’m done climbing, but I want to get home and do a bushwalk on the way.  I got packed up and said my goodbyes and drove the 2 hours to Spicer’s Peak. This is one of the peaks in the “Main Range NP” that’s been on my todo list. Aussiebushwalking.com lists this is a 6km return, 4 hr extremely hard hike. I’m glad my Subaru can beat its way up this 7km rutted rocky road.

I prepared a daypack for an aussie bushwalk, with snakebite bandage, water, food, head torch, cell phone and spare battery. I’m ready to rock. As usual I don’t know where I’m going other than up. Up is a direction like north or south. As long as you climb up you’ll find the top of the mountain. The approach was quite overgrown and steep, so my most concern was for snakes but I walked hard enough that my muscles starved my brain of oxygen and I couldn’t be afraid of much. I met some folks hiking down. My internet intel indicated going to the left was steep, dangerous. These folks said go right and it was better.

I found myself in a bush bash upward, falling and covered in dirt. It was steep, but if I fell it would be into bush and softer than rock. The grass was also something good to grab onto. As usual I considered if my water supply was adequate, one of the few things that actually gives my anxiety. I had camelled a litre of water at start so I felt my 1.5l reserve was adequate, but I wasn’t sure for 5 hours. I was on the side of a hot mountain sweating out my clothes.

And then, suddenly, I climb into an enchanted land. I expect a fairy to buzz by me head amongst the moss and ferns. There’s a gorgeous rainforest surrounding me. It’s close, hugging me with love and shade. I enjoy it. A short climb and here I am at the peak. I look out across the valley and I see the neighboring peaks and a reservoir in the distance. This is a lovely land.

I decide to take the dangerous and well trod route down. I follow the arête as I clamber down through Aussie dust and dirt. I find a washed out gulley of rocks that was the ‘dangerous’ way up and I find it to be child’s play. There is so much for my hands.  Sure, a mistake to one side and I fall 300m but I feel warm in the land’s embrace. I have an amazing view as I scamper down this rock gully. I should have gone up this way! It’s only 75m down and I can’t see 5m ahead of me so I continually think I’m walking off a cliff. Don’t make a mistake as I’m solo, but it’s all good.

Far too soon and I’m back on the track that I remember. I have excellent trail memory, and I see a tree or a vine that I’ve seen before. That wasn’t scary at all, or maybe I’m becoming jaded. Once I reach non-life-threatening locations I start to run. It’s so good to run. I run through the bush and slip and slide but I don’t care. At one point I slip and grab a blackboy. These trees are old, a 2m blackboy is 300+ years old. They’re called that because their trunks are black from bushfires, and they’re hard to kill. It kisses me and applies makeup across my arms and face that I wear to the bottom. I ran the rest of the way down.

At the bottom I met some locals who were interested in my curious makeup, accent and sweat. I told them my abridged story, and the lady acted as my mum and told me to hike with friends. I didn’t feel this was dangerous, aside from the snakes. And the 2 snakes I saw were ostensibly moving away from me.

I got in my car and drove the hour home, another adventure complete. My skin will replace itself, and my sore muscles will get stronger for next time. I had a great weekend!

Cheers Mates,

Mike

Japan Trip

Japan 2017 Trip Log

By Mike Sytsma

Foreward

This isn’t a trip log, but instead consider it as a wholly fictional story based on elements of the truth that I may or may not have exaggerated for entertainment value. Considering this is what I wrote then it’s probably exactly the way everything happened. Under no circumstances should you consider that the characters are real or that any of the events depicted happened. I wrote this solely to amuse my friends with tales of adventure while I drank sake late into the night. I hope you enjoy.

Log 1: Fri, Mar 31, 2017 at 7:32 PM

Howdy y'all, or ohayo gozimasu

I'm in Japan! I flew the 8 hours from Gold Coast to Tokyo.  I've been through Narita many times on my way to the Philippines, but I've never ventured out on the dirt. I parked my car in Gold Coast and I'm pretty sure it's going to be flooded when I get back and I'll be filing an insurance claim. I may be buying another car soon. Anyway there's an hour bus into the city.  I don't understand why there isn't a train. Upon arrival Regina led me astray and I got to circumnavigate the Japan Railways (JR) station. It's a bug fug of a station so this took a while.  Headed in the right direction I became thirsty and stopped in a 7-11 for a 1$ shot of shochu, or 25% alcohol rice distilled spirits.  It was 200 ml for 1USD$.  Danger will Robinson. I walked another 2km in the general direction of my "hotel".  Another 200ml.  I don't care where I'm going but this is fun. I'm going somewhere after another $?

I make it to the hotel which is this crazy tiny room with a bathroom smaller than battleship Tardis. It was only 40 AUD/night too.  Did I mention I'm doing this trip with my ex-gf.  That's weird but mostly ok.  She's really cheap and I'm rich and dumb and loud.  Anyway after a shower, separately, we headed out to dinner.  We found a cool place and had booze and fried stuffs. We bought more booze at 7-11.  Soju and sake are dirt cheap.  Beer is expensive and wine is normal. I love good sake too! Anyway back to the hotel and I was drunk enough for us sleeping together to not be weird.  I think.  At least that's what I remember.

We woke up and looked for food and coffee by 7am.  Japaneeses don't open that early, even in Tokyo.  9AM on everything!  That sucks.  We got to the JR station and booked our passage towards Kawaguchico which is a city near Mt Fuji.  I found coffee but not food and the guy poured the coffee in a cup and microwaved it. Not conisseurs here.  Anyway we got on the JR train for an hour through endless urban sprawl interspersed by islands of tall buildings.  There's more ppl in Tokyo than Florida.  We changed trains and another hour brought us to the mountains.

It's not very pretty here. It's ugly and run down and everything is dead from the winter. The lake is ugly. We did a long walk around the lake. I decided the best thing about this place is the cheap booze and I bought a milk carton of sake from the 7-11. We passed the police station and I told Susie that's my hotel tonight. I poured the sake and soju into my water bottle and I kept calling it misu which is water. We walked to the end of the red bus line and took the bus back into town. It was tense as we tried to pay for our exit and the driver wouldn't accept 1000 JPY bills for a 900 JPY fare.  No change.  He took all our coins and we were chagrined.  Not my first time.

This town sucks.  No nightlife. We found a crappy Chinese restaurant and I had not the best dinner. Susie refused to eat because it was bad. We went to 7-11 and bought more snacks and booze. My memory dwindles after that.

I woke up, but not in the pokie this time.  Maybe tomorrow I think. I'll have to try harder.  We are staying in a pod hotel.  There's 20 pods in a room and 3 rooms.  Each pod is a fiberglass ordeal with a 2" mattress and a light and a fan. I'm glad that sleep medication is cheap here.

Today it gets better!  No I'm just kidding.  We took the bus well out of town.  I wanted to do a hike and climb a bunch of mountains, and she wanted to see these caves.  I love traveling solo.  Anyway it was caves first. We went to 3 caves formed by lava flows.  It was pretty cool.  Some of the caves had ice stalactites. Well probably best I listened to the woman because it started snowing by 10, and it didn't stop.  It was either ice, sleet, snow, or all of the above. All. Day. Long.  I wanted to run up the mountain.  Had I adhered to my plan I'd be telling a different story.

We went to a sweet Japanese supermarket which makes me wish I had a market like this near me.  I'm kinda thinking screw the freezing wx but the food in the market was amazing. I only spent what I could carry and reasonably eat.  Also Japaneeses have a drinking problem for sure.  10 L bottles of whiskey for 50 AUD or 40 USD.  10L of 25% shochu for 25 AUD 18 USD.  That's 2.5 gallons of booze for 18 USD ppl.  

Anyway we took buses back to the tube hotel. Not the most adventure. I'll try to visit the pokie at some point to spice things up, and I'll try to deserve it too unlike last time.  It's snowing heavily nonstop as we watched a Netflix movie and ate snack food for dinner.  Tomorrow is a bus and train to Kyoto.  Hopefully more adventure upon arrival.

Log 2: Sun, Apr 2, 2017 at 12:57 AM

Are things better today?  Maybe yes and maybe no. I woke up at 530 and it was a blizzard outside.  The heat in the hostel was kerosene and stank up the place. I was packed and ready early, but I wiled away the time on Facebook and other distractions until the taxi took us to the train station. Once there we wandered until we discovered our bus port. It was snowing hard, a soft wet snow that wasn't so good on clothes and skin.  It was pretty in the trees though.

I'm going to try hard to not complain about Susie.  There's a few reasons I broke up with her.  I'd rather be solo on this trip.

Anyway the bus ride to this city was 2 hours. My fractured leg is aching the whole time. All I want to do is go for a run but that's not the thing to do in this wx with my clothes.

We got to this other city and stood in line forever to get rail tickets.  I'm a bogan.  I'v never seen good proper fast rail.  We don't have that shit in 'murrica because we don't spend taxes on ground transport. I was awed as the first train passed us at 160kmph.  Holy shit!  I bought a lunch box for 12AUD.  I got on my train and we sped off.  I used my phone and we were going between 240 and 2700 kph.  It was a smooth ride too.  In 2 hours we were in Kyoto.  Too bad 'murrica can't have such cool toys.

We got off the train and we're lost as expected. Susie expects my internal GPS to be infallible. I tend to walk around and talk to ppl but nobody is English.  Plan b is to wander until we find free wifi.  Susie is getting livid.  God I love to travel solo.

She finds wifi and guides us to where I remembered on the map. This hostel had a cardboard sign, that's it.  Dirt cheap shit but she booked it. After dropping our big bags off we had a fight.

This is good.  This is why we aren't dating anymore.  My plan is to walk wherever and look on google maps and tripadvisor to see the "cool shit".  That's a pretty nebulous proposition on most days. I don't know where I'm going.  I don't know how far it is.  I don't know how much it will cost. I don't care either, because it's adventure.

Fuck me Freddy, she didn't like Mike style travel.  She wanted assurances of cost, distance, and time.  She actually yelled at me in public and started crying. This sucks, because I have to be a good guy and I don't get any sex out of it.  Anyway I got her to follow me.  I do know adventure.

So a 7.5 minute walk led us to a temple that I wanted to visit.  After a 30 minute meltdown btw.  Entry was 600 JPY = 5 USD.  Susie wanted to cheap out and I'm hoping that domestic violence is legal here. Anyway we go in and walk around and it's pretty.  Then we walk in the shrine and there's 1000 Buddhas carved from wood, life size.  Each Buddha has 26 hands.  This is a huge hall.  All the Buddhas as are gilt with gold paint. The human effort to make this happen is staggering.  My 5 USD isn't shit. This wood structure and Buddhas are 800 years old.  Cool shit.  No pictures allowed.

We left this area and I led us into a cool tourist street.  Like there's shrines on every corner here in Kyoto,  This street led up into a big one.  Next criticism, is I don't like sweet stuff.  I don't care about candies and cakes. This street had every kind of sweet stuff.  Just typing this makes me feel sick. Susie stopped and bought one after another of terrible Japanese sweet stuff.  After an hour I put my foot down and said I'm not putting any more of that shit down my gullet.  I was already feeling sick.

All the same this was a pretty district. So many women were wearing rented kimonos. Tomorrow, if we don't mutually murder each other in our sleep, we'll rent male and female kimonos and walk around and take pics.  It's her birthday tomorrow. I may not care.

After that district I led us through a huge park market which was in a Sakura festival.  Because I know adventure.  Or rather I follow traffic flows.

Oh I forgot a thing that made me really angry.  Susie saw a shop with a line of 20 ppl and decided we were going to eat there.  They have 4 tables and only sell sweets.  I fucking hate sweets. We waited 70 minutes to sit down and then the staff were so slow.  4 tables! Yeah sweets fun or whatever.  Like 10 minutes of eating.  Then we passed so many vendors selling the same sweets cheaper, and with no wait, but I am sick of sweets.  In my home life I never eat sweets anyway, preferring all my sugars to be pre-processed by yeastie beasties. She was pissed off about the wait, and cheaper more available snacks too, so we’re even.

Ok rant over.

We wandered into this big park which was one of my destinations.  There was awesome street food there.  I ate a squid and a takoyaki.  Susie got a grilled bamboo.  Real food.  I'm going to switch my political affiliation against all sweets.  I'm really sick of that shit, and Susie too.

Next we wandered Kyoto's CBD and found where the geishas are.  Dinner there is 100 USD min and we tried but it is all booked out several days in advance.  It's also hard to communicate.  We wandered the main CBD and had dinner eventually. The CBD was rather endless. So many ppl must frequent here.

So we had a fight.  We've been sharing food and expenses.  But we came to a vending machine and she wanted 100 JPY = 1.2AUD = 1 USD to buy a drink.  But she demanded and didn't ask, so I told her to fuck off. I also told her I think it's stupid to argue over a dollar, or 10 dollars.  Maybe even 100 dollars is stupid to argue over.  She didn't like that and made some noise so I walked away.  She actually pummeled me with her fists but I run quickly now that my bones aren't broken. We walked to the the hostel separately and haven't said anything since.

I'm pretty near to finding my own way for the rest of this vacation. If I were in a relationship that's one thing, but I'm not and  I'm not happy.

Log 3: Sun, Apr 2, 2017 at 6:16 PM

Howdy y'all,

Good news, I wasn't murdered in my sleep! Things are looking up, eh?

I took a shower and then we had the talk. I didn't apologize but I gave her 100 JPY. We set out to the rail station and my leg hurts. We arranged passage to Hakuba to do some snow sports after Kyoto. We hopped on a train to see the #1 shrine in Kyoto on Tripadvisor. I misread the map and we went to the next station. The fires of anger burn in her coal black eyes. I smile and say “Adventure!” as I charge forth into the Inari shrine (number 4 on Tripadvisor).  We climbed this hill through a prison of bright orange wood posts.  You can't escape, you just shuffle forward.  30 minutes of this orange prison and we were freed to escape. Or another 2 hours of pilgrimage.  Enough of that!  She didn't want to spend 200 JPY on a subway ticket so we took the free train back to the station, then we walked an hour, with our big backpacks, to find a spot that rented kimonos.  My leg hurts more now, and I complained copiously.  The subway line was at the Inari shrine and is at the kimono store.  It could have been 10 minutes.

New incident.  We stop to take a break and she orders a cake for 800.  She thought it was three cakes and a free drink. She gets one cake and is disappointed.  She starts to get upset that she got just one cake for so much money. I am embarrassed because I know how rude this display is in Japanese culture, or anywhere.  She continues and talks to the manager.  I pull out money and walk the manger away telling Susie to chill out while I pay.  I bought her a birthday cake.  Oh my FSM I can't stand her.  We had booked a 2pm meet to get fitted for kimonos.  Now she's complaining that is 4900 when she saw other locations advertising 3000.  I'm beside myself but murder isn't legal here. I want to just run away, I may still do so. I'm never traveling with anyone else. So it takes an hour and we are fitted. She looks good, I look better.  I draw giggles from Japaneeses who see this tall gaijin with piercings and a goofy smile.  We climbed the hill and took copious pictures. Like it was getting crazy.  Whatever.  I paid 60$ to look cool and take pictures for a few hours,  I wasn't the only one though. I also perved out by snapping shots of as many pretty girls in kimonos that I could. We climbed to another shrine, and pics with Sakura amongst the throngs. I had a great IPA at a bar and then some amazing soba with waygu beef. That was gorgeous. Then we took off the clothes and headed to a geisha show.  It's super popular and were standing in line an hour early to get good seats. That's why I had time to type this.  I would have had so much more fun solo and seen so much more because I would have ran between shrines and beer stops. Note to self to never do this again. I'll do something worse next time, because it makes good stories for other peoples to read.

Log 4: Thu, Apr 6, 2017 at 12:37

The cultural show was interesting and worth the 20 AUD. There was some flower arranging, where a lady took way too long to put flowers in a vase. I was selected from the audience to be a part of the tea ceremony, where two ladies took about 20 minutes to make tea. But then there was a guy who was dressed up and danced and yelled, and then a comedy show. There was a geisha dance followed by a bundarku puppet show. All good times! After the show we wandered the CBD and made our way across town to the AIRBNB apartment which was sweet.  I took pics because this would be a family of 4 apartment and it's so tiny. I really felt my boat was bigger. It was also filled with complete sets of manga which was impressive.

The day afterward, our last in Kyoto was filled with disappointment. We walked to the nearby Niho castle which was impressive as hell.  It was the seat of the Japanese government for about 400 years before the moved to nicer digs.  The buildings were 500-700 years old and wood, and it was surrounded by walls of hand hewn granite stones.  Slaves must be great, because you can make them do such amazing things. Afterward we had hoped to see the Kyoto national museum, our third attempt, but it was closed again. We actually took the subway from Niho to the museum but we stuffed up the navigation and still ended up walking a mile with our heavy packs. So we were weary and decided we'd seen enough temples. Time for modern marvels!

We walked another km to the big JR station and hopped a train to Osaka which took 30 minutes. In truth we barely left the massive mall that abuts the station. Osaka doesn't have much cultural stuff, but it has shopping galore. We wandered through malls above and below ground. I was thinking of buying another tablet so I can write these things while traveling but after an entire floor dedicated to laptops I gave up. Their marketing style was loud and offensive too. We spent the most time on the outdoors floor of one of the big mall towers which amounted to an REI superstore and a sports store and yoga clothes and swimming and you name it. The prices weren't bad either but my life is complete. Also all this consumerism made me distasteful of it and unwilling to participate.  Except for food, which we had much of. Great yakitori mix with some high class things on a stick that left us satisfied and happy. We took the train back to Kyoto and queued up for the Super Shikansen (this means bullet or literally death shoot piece) like bogans, arriving 20 minutes early. How dumb.  The trains are always on time.

These trains are sweet too, and I clocked this one at 260 kph! In an hour we were in Nagoya and took a less fast train to another city. At this point we asked a JR rep if all was good and he said "mistake, mistake" and crossed his hands in an X.  We foolishly decided to ignore him because we had a Kyoto JR trip list and Japanese rail runs like clockwork. Apparently this is true until you get to the provincial rail. This clickety   clack train took forever to get to Harubo, 30 miles from our destination. Then it stopped. 10pm and we were meant to be at our destination. We spoke to the conductor and we got a gomenasai and "get off train".  Ok we got off and asked the office, showing him our trip list from Kyoto.  He says 'mistake' and crosses hands. It's sleeting outside and 1C. I make the sleep gesture and he points to the rail bench and says there's 1 hotel.  He gives us a map and it's literally across the street.

I go to walk out and Susie is like let's sleep on the bench in the rail station, the freezing rail station that turned off the heat an hour ago. I'm like F that I'mma gonna sleep in a bed. She didn't want to sleep alone in the station so she followed me to the hotel, the one hotel in this tiny town now at 10:30pm. I walk in inside and sumimasem myself while I explain that I Nihon jin scoci wakarimas. Then I make the sleep gesture and he writes down a number.  That's good because I'm not good past 999 in Japanese. 11000 or 130 AUD.  Susie reels and gets angry and starts walking out muttering something about shopping around. I'm honestly surprised this place is open because many spots in Tokyo closed at 9. Hotels usually shut their doors at 11 in Tokyo and this is the sticks. I peel the yen out and take the key. She weighs her options and decides to follow to the twin room. I'm so happy to have a shower and I fall asleep quickly.

But adventure is a harsh mistress. She demands that you make the most of your life because you only get one. So we are out at 545 and in the station before the 600 train to Hakuba. We had snacks on us that we nibbled, nothing opens early in Japan. We arrived an hour and a half later (for 30 miles...) and set out on the next difficult thing.  Find our Airbnb inn.  We are both pissed off and tired. She wants to let me handle all the navigation so she can blame me when I'm wrong. In truth she's scared to travel solo because her navigational compass was never installed at the factory. So I do what I always do, set out in a most likely direction to meet people and ask them, because you know, they live here. No internet too. She thought I was going the wrong way based on feminine intuition. I was going the wrong way.  But that's cool because I'm super fit and I was just jogging down every street doing a search pattern. A 10 minute run and I'd found my quarry. She'd gone walking out of the town proper, to where the trees started, then turned around. Not that my way is perfect but I'd definitely teach it in Mike's Book of Adventure travel.

Ok now I have to wait for her to walk back.  My newly installed laser eyes can see her a km away, technology is awesome!  But she's slow and tired of carrying her pack.  I waited for her to get to me to tell her I found it (I'm a dick). We walk in and are greeted by Mina a Serbian girl with so much energy, she's so cute.  She's 25 dating the inn owner's 50yo son. Something that I'll be doing when I get his age I'm sure. Anyway we MUST hit the slopes, we came here to ski!  There's a bus that runs to the only open ski area because it's the end of the season.  We have 3 sets of instructions from 3 people to get to the bus stop.  Mike (owner) Jimmy(son) and Mina(smoking hot girlfriend half son's age).  Ok I hear it 3 times. Susie hears it 3 times.  We walk out the door. I'm an asshole, ordained by the priesthood of assholery.  Susie felt it necessary to tell them all we had a tiff in finding the place.  Now it's her turn to lead. I step behind her.  She turns to follow me.  We run a cute cartoony circle.  I tell her this is your gig.  I found the (expletive deleted) hotel, you find the bus stop. She heard all that I heard.

Anyway she doesn't move so I take off.  She follows.  I run her in a circle around a building to test that she's following me. We finish the circle and she realizes it's a circle and says you don't know where you're going. I'm like why the hell are you following me. I'm such an asshole and also pissed off. So I tell her we need to run so we can make more mistakes in finding the bus before it shows up.  From my previous grid-mapping of the town I knew exactly where the bus stop was. I don't tell her this, because, you know.

It's a lively cool morning at 5C and I feel like a light jog to loosen my mind. I run up and down streets timing it just right so I can wave at her slowly angrily walking form using the Japanese crossed arms sign of mistake.  Lol I crack me up. After fucking with her for 30 minutes, expecting the bus to arrive at the bus station on time like everything in this country, I arrange for us to both arrive 1 minute early.  So we wait for 5 minutes and walk the 2 minutes back to the hotel when the bus doesn’t show.  Lol!  I got a good 5k in. (In case you hate me Karma's a bitch: read on).

We ask Mike and he makes a call as the bus was deactivated Monday.  A 20$ taxi and we're at the ski area by 10.

Skiing is pretty cheap here.  50AUD/day for rental gear and 50$ AUD/day for the lifts.  That's 80 USD/day which is super cheap to ski. I'm like, I don't know how to ski.  She's like she knows how and can teach me. You know where this is going right?  I book lessons at 1-3pm for 20000yen and we hit the slopes at 11. What happens next is hilarious and horrible. She teaches me how to brake. That's all she remembers because it's been 10 years. I can't brake, so I just sky a zig and fall. I learned quickly to upright myself and ski a zag and then fall. Wash rinse repeat about 15 tacks and I'm fuming. Why am I fuming? I failed to mention that she told me to cancel the lessons to save $ because she knows how to ski. I'm also soaked in sweat and snow and tired and angry. But if you're gonna be dumb you need to be tough. I don't know or care where she is btw. I take the lift up again and crash my way down.  Once or twice I managed to turn. I'm hopeful to teach myself with trial by error, mostly error.

She finds me at the bottom saying she booked a lesson at 2.  LOLOLOLOL. She was chagrined by the slope but only did one lap, becasuse she fell a lot more than I did. I'm dumb/tough enough to do 5 or more before I'd capitulate.  Ok so I crash and slide my way down to the main gondola station to meet our cool instructor. He's a good guy and walked us through a crash course in skiing in 2 hours doing 5 laps on the green slopes.  I can't help but go fast because my slow muscles are weak, but I'm parallel turning like a champ instead of v turning. Until I exhaust myself. FSM it's midnight and I need to sleep for adventure tomorrow.

Suffice it to say I learned the basics. After the ski instructor drove us home we trekked to an amazing Onsen which overlooked the slopes for 7AUD.  It was amazing.  That combined with the 4 Advil made me able to cope. We walked back and crashed but Hakuba is sweet.

Today we were up early and Jimmy dropped us off at Hakuba 47 which adjoins Goryu at the opening time.  He's a cool dude, wandering around teaching surfing and skiing and building stuff (and don't forget the women half his age from other countries). We went up the first gondola and this first slope had me screaming in pain and sliding along the ice.  Susie has those 'brake muscles' where I don't.  She didn't understand the concept that she should leave me alone when I'm screaming in agony otherwise it will be directed at her.  I tried to explain this concept afterward but she's daft.  I slid the last 400m on my rental clothes, unable to stand up, utterly exhausted and slightly injured.

I had to recover for 30 mins.  I could barely walk. In truth the entire slope was hard ice and I had not the experience, poise or strength to handle it. We took 2 chairlifts up.  With 2 stack ups in between.  She's super slow and crashed 3 times all day.  I crashed 50 times or more.  Anyway we did multiple slopes. As soon as I had slushy ice and full strength I was bomber and killing it without a stack up. By lunchtime I was fatigued and we had lunch at the top of the mountain.  She wanted to do this adventure rout but I'm weak by now, but I love adventure.  The route starts with that route from this morning. OMG F this skiing thing. I don't have the strength to, like do anything. So I just ski to one side and fall.  Do it again.  My last 200m was sliding on my back using my hands to steer and hoping my helmet was good.  Then I lay there 5 minutes. I couldn't stand in skis. I'm done.

I walk 500m where she's waiting after only fallen twice. I have choice words but you know what they are. “I'm going back to check out my gear. I'm done.  Go do whatever you want.”  She's afraid of getting lost to which I reply “you're a #### PH.D. Mechanical engineer so why the $$$$ don't you know where the &&&& you are at any given time you **** @@@@ !!! %%%. I'm going to return my gear.  Peace.” I think I controlled myself rather well given the situation.

Well it wasn't that easy.  I had to take 3 chairlifts up and 3 terribly weak decents. I balanced my time ski braking and sliding on some of the rented clothing. I had zero strength in my legs despite strong mental commands.  I was assisted walking up stairs by nice Japaneeses. I'm a cripple.

Anyway gear returned and I burned time until we took this bus to Nagano.  Then the regular Shinkansen which stank of head juices.  Terrible, into Tokyo main JR station.

This shit gets better. We get off with intention of navigating to our next accommodation.  Oops, we missed a day. God bless Airbnb. We wandered to find free internets.  This took some doing, as we are both sore.  Ok 7-11 Internet and we booked in Ueno.  Cool Find the subway.  You'd think there'd be a sign.  Probably is but I can't read it.  Mike's jogging style found it in 3 minutes.  Managed to stuff up the exit by a 1 km detour.  The address was wrong.  A very helpful Japanese guy noticed my gaijinself and helped us find the place. Not the best but I took a shower and warmer than a street. We had an unfortunately not so good and expensive dinner, but shit happens.

I need to sleep,

Log 5: Friday April 7 9:13 PM

G'day mates,

FSM I wish I had some tales of adventure, but Tokyo adventures only happen when godzirra kirrs everybody.

So we decided to wake up late because things aren't open until 9.  We took the subway to Akihabra and wandered.  Did we already do this? It's a temple, like a bunch of other temples.  This one has a tourist street of shops ahead of it. I wouldn't recommend this area. Next we went to Ueno which has a huge park which is amazing with Sakura in full bloom.  We then went into the national museum and saw all the cool stuff Japan stole from other countries, because their own stuff was only 200 years old.  However they had kit from 3000 years+ stolen from China and Vietnam and Cambodia which was really cool.  We then went to the Roppongi MX 4D movie theatre to see GITS.  We got lost as hell in the process, walking 2 km out of our way.   It's my new belief that adventure travel is all about being lost and asking folks who don't understand you while carrying a heavy pack and looking goofy. The movie was sweet and the moving seats that blew air and mist was a cool thing. Nobody hates me as long as I smile though. Afterwards we went to Shinjuku and Susie lined up for the free city view on the 70th floor of the gov't building.  I didn't have time because I wanted to go hashing in Roppongi with F3H3.  I took the subway and followed the hash until other has hers saw my shirt and identified me as a compatriot. We ran a good 7.5km loop through some neat streets and back alleys. The on after was at a hotel suite with wine and cheese. I got a bit of hell in circle for being an americajin but that's life. Afterward I somehow managed to float home.  My navigational skills in this amazingly large urban jungle are apparently unaffected by inebriation.

We woke up and said what to do?  So we went to the huge underground mall near the JR station.  Susie wanted to pet bunny rabbits and I kinda despise those animals so I went across the city to watch crowds and play on my cell phone.

Susie has terrible navigation skills. I'm sure of it.  I don't trust her.  She held the ticket to where we locked our bags.  I took the subway there at the appointed time and she wasn't there.  She's such a doofus.  I wandered around hoping she'd find me and I'd lead us to the correct luggage locker.  I’m picturing myself in anime style doing exactly this, and then giving her hell for always getting lost.  This process took 30 minutes.  I'm getting pissed at her for being lost.  She literally has no navigational skills and that's why she follows me around. Suddenly, in my wandering I spot her.  With our bags.  In front of the lockers. The correct lockers.  She's been waiting there for 30 minutes.  FSM, she has no idea what she's doing obviously.

We then took the bus to the airport where I type this now.  They called my name on the speaker but I can't do anything about it until soon. Hopefully I get home soon, otherwise I know how to survive here.  Cheer, mates